Settling, Just Stop It

It’s been a while.

Being a grad school student is a lot like staying in Vegas for about a year and half. You don’t see the sun for days at a time. What happens in grad school stays in grad school and it makes you just as tired as if you are perpetually clubbing at Omnia.

But without the copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, the tight black dresses, the array of shirtless men at pool parties, the fancy hotel suite, the fun, the excitement, laughter.

So maybe not like Vegas.

But I’m back and here to address one thing.

Don’t settle.

Thank you, that is all. I’ll see myself out.

No really, don’t settle. Knock it the fuck off, as Alexandra Cooper would say.

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you’re in a relationship but it happened so fast you feel like a part of yourself was missing?

Put a finger down. My pointer finger is down.

That was dating the last guy who I seriously thought could be something. By seriously, I meant completely and stupidly.

But hey, we’re only human.

Have you even pictured your future? You see the white picket fence, you see the driveway, you see the woods out back.

I pictured my future and saw him and saw myself picking up my stuff and heading to Vegas.

But I pursued him, because finding someone that compassionate and kind was/is rare.

But just because he offers to go on a trip with you that cost him 15 dollars doesn’t mean he is the one.

Don’t settle, ladies and gentleman.

But sometimes we stay with someone that feels right because we get ahead of ourselves. You picture the white picket fence without realizing if you want that shade.

You fall in love with the idea of being in love.

You love someone even though he or she doesn’t suit your lifestyle.

You find love out of convenience, out of shared space, out of routine.

You find love that doesn’t make you a better person: insidious love.

I am a first-hand witness at my friend’s newest break-up.

It’s the classic, we get back together, we fight over the same themes, iPhone’s blow up with texts, and then repeat.

This is a first hand account if you love someone and all the pieces don’t fit the puzzle in your mind, you’re settling.

If the person you love doesn’t love him or herself, you’re settling.

If the person you love doesn’t appreciate your chaotic and dysfunctional family, you’re settling.

If the person you love doesn’t motivate you to find your passions, you’re settling.

If the person you love simply reaps the benefits of you sexually and emotionally, you’re settling

Most important, if the person you love doesn’t love your new puppy or your dog, you’re settling.

Dogs are crucial. Hating Lord Joey Biden (my puppy) is definitely a deal breaker.

When the cycle is vicious and the arguments fester and fester, it’s like getting stuck in the rinse cycle and the stop button is broken.

You go on and on. I’ve been there, we’ve all been there.

But the person you love should love you just as much as you love yourself, if not more. There should be an equal amount of love, a balance beam that doesn’t sway to the right or to the left.

I love giving advice when my own life is chaotic and when simply, I’m too young for that fence, at least for living in downtown San Diego standards.

25 and a girl can dream, right? But seeing the world through an empathic lens makes me qualified.

I care about you all, even if I don’t know you.

We all deserve to find love that transcends the Vegas love.

One weekend filled with fun, maybe getting hitched at an Elvis-themed chapel, feeling the highs, until reality hits and the lows begin to plunder.

You find a soberness and the allusion is shattered.

This is emblematic of every single romance I’ve been in.

You wonder how you were cursed under this magical spell and didn’t see that he wore flip flops to the chapel.


That is all.

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